Mushy Snowballs
I always wanted to be one of those “together” people. I thought the day would come when adjectives such as secure, poised, self-assured, could readily apply to me. I’d be on top of things and ahead of the game. I imagined myself swinging down the halls sporting a snappy hand bag, containing all the essentials of life, and all readily available. Oh, I have days when I wear and say the right things, but those moments of poise still go toe-to-stubbed toe with my blunders. I’ve come to the conclusion that life for me is always going to be bumpy, and I figure I’ll never perfect it, so I’d better brave It Instead. Ironically, knowing that I will stumble and trip has given me the confidence I crave. I once thought confidence could only be earned with perfection…now I know that you don’t earn it, you claim it. I do that by embracing the compassionate, loving, enthusiastic unpretentious free spirit that is the essence of my heart. This is my center.
The older I get I find that the bumps don’t come as often (one of the joys of getting older). Knowing your center helps. You begin to pay attention to the signs up ahead and proceed with caution. You learn to get out of the way of snowballs that are rolling downhill your way; where before you jumped aboard and clung on for the ride until eventually the snowball grew so large, mushy, and muddy that it all fell apart before you had time to jump off. Beit a bad relationship, job, date, conversation etc… you eventually learn that every person or incident is your teacher: And that they are your snowballs....your lessons…and a lesson is repeated until learned (one way or another the universe will get your attention).
Scarecrows
My childhood friend…now facebook
friend…Mercedes often posts things that grab me. Today she shared the word
Kuebiko. I played with that word all day. It bounced around my brain like a
sunray dancing on the water. Kuebiko is defined as a state of exhaustion
inspired by acts of senseless violence…I was surprised it was a noun. It read
like an adjective. However, after dancing with this word while watching the
morning news in which four 18 year olds tortured a mentally disabled
person in Chicago…I was glad of its noun status.
The definition of this state of
being-Kuebiko- explains that when someone experiences such a state they are
forced to revise their image of what can happen in this world—"mending the
fences of their expectations, weeding out all unwelcome and invasive truths
while cultivating the good that’s buried under the surface, and propping
themselves up like an old scarecrow, who’s bursting at the seams but powerless
to do anything but stand there and watch."
Today I am that scarecrow. I am Kuebiko.
I am a scarecrow standing in the field of hallways that are my
life. But sometimes….just sometimes…I get a glimpse of other scarecrows standing near me. Their very presence reminds me that I am not alone. We are
Kuebiko. We are kindred spirits who share a cosmic connection that willI always be revered until the day I die.
