The Styrofoam Cup
By Jennifer Bauer
We carry with us a Styrofoam cup filled with water. The water symbolizes our confidence. When our cup is full we find ourselves happy with a sense of self-worth. We feel on top of our game; full of positive energy and on top of the world. However, people will poke holes in our cup if we let them, letting some of that magical water leak out right from under our nose. They walk around armed with sharpened number 2 pencils, many times unaware of the weapon they hold in their hand. The pokes will come without warning, and without notice at first. They may come in the form of unanswered texts, eye rolls, rumors, putdowns etc. We may begin to try to fill our cup up again by calling the person who didn’t return our earlier text, only to get a voice mail message….and no call back later. By the time we are finished trying to get others to fill our cup, it is riddled with holes. Our water/confidence is completely drained.
This cycle may continue indefinitely. That is until we finally realize that we are actually the ones allowing (sometimes even inviting) people to poke holes in our cup. It is important to be mindful of your cup and keep it full. Only we can allow people to poke holes in our cup; just as we are the only ones who can truly fill it. We are in charge of our own happiness. It is our Job, or function, according to The Course in Miracles, lesson 66.
Paying attention to how we are feeling, recognizing it, even dancing with it for a little while (even if it is sadness), and then letting it go will help us to grow. Paying attention will also help us to be more aware of when we are allowing people to poke holes in our cup. Sometimes you may even find your friend holding the pencil. When they do (and they will; maybe not on purpose) it is important to tell that person how you feel. Always remember that you teach people how to treat you. It goes hand in hand with the old adage that "people have operating instructions printed on their foreheads." Whenever you hear something that "pokes" you (even a little) recognize it, and then bounce it back with a "Hey, that hurts my feelings," or "that is an unloving thing to say." It works. It is very difficult to do at first, but it gets easier the more you do it.
Many believe confidence can only be earned with popularity and perfection. Not true. You don’t earn it, you claim it. You do that by embracing who you really are. This is your center. It is important to have a center to retreat to. People will try to redefine who you are. Remember those pokes? They may come at the lunch table, facebook, text message, classroom, or even the family room. You may be strolling along and someone pokes you with a; “that is a stupid idea,” or “what is the matter with you!” Remembering your Center helps. It may even become your inner mantra. The Course of Miracles reminds us to always “remember who you are and forgive yourself everything.”
The power of opposites is just as important. Not everyone in your life will poke holes in you, some will patch them. Their very presence inspires you. Although holes may help us evolve faster as they make us question who we are and where we are going, so do the opposite. People who not only accept us, but embrace us can also be our catalyst to becoming who we were meant to be. Plus they keep their pencils to themselves.
